Day 191, November 30

"I don't know about you, but I think we'd have fewer 'bad hair days,' if we weren't trying to wear so any hats!"--Julie Sutton

Don't you love this?  I immediately identified with Ms. Sutton's sentiment.  How many hats have you worn over the course of a day, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime?

Somewhere in the thousands, probably.

For me, it's been the usual chapeaux:  wife and mother, daughter and sister, friend, cousin, aunt, writer, member of the church, volunteer in the community, visiting teacher, primary teacher, Relief Society secretary, RS visiting teacher coordinator, and a myriad of others.  No wonder my hair is such a mess!

And often, we're wearing multiple hats at the same time.   For women cannot compartmentalize their lives and say, "I'll be a mother on Tuesdays and Thursdays, a wife on Mondays and Wednesdays, a church member on Sundays and Fridays, and Saturday will have to cover eveyrthing else."  No.  We don't have thath luxury.  We wear our hats, however lopsided and ill-fitting they may be every day.

Gem for the day:  wear a Red Hat with a purple feather.  You'll feel better for it.

Day 190, November 29

Have you ever wanted to go to a spa?  To be pampered and treated like the queen that you know you are?  I have.  And then I learned a bit more about what they do to you at a spa.  Here are some highlights:

- Be beaten with seaweed strands
- Have a coffee colonic shot up your business
- Have your fat measured and calibrated
- Work out all day then given a bit of that same seaweed (see number 1) for dinner

No, thank you. 

Gem for the day:  if I want people to be mean to me, I can stay home--for free.

Day 189, November 28

The Wretch frequently refers to me as "mildly eccentric."  I don't mind.  I figure there's worse things I can be.   I could be mean or nasty or greedy or crazy.  Compared to them, mildly eccentric seems pretty darn good.

And if I'm occasionally any of the above, I chalk it up to menopause, which I'm seeing as a get-out-jail-free card for any number of sins, minor crimes, and misdemeanors.  In fact, come to think about it, I'm doing all right.  Just because I've been known to send the wrong text to the wrong person (this can be embarrassing when I think I'm writing to The Wretch and it turns out that I've texted something naughty to our bishop), just because I've been known to back into the garage door when it's closed, just because I've been known to burn water, that doesn't mean I'm losing it.  Those are merely signs of a creative and active mind.

Gem for the day:  embrace your inner weirdness.  (I know--you thought I was going to say something different, didn't you?)

Day 188, November 27

A week or so ago, I wrote about the possibility of becoming a survivalist.  Then I had to retract and admit that perhaps survivalism wasn't for me.  However, I have had more thoughts of how to make it work for me on my own terms.  Of course, since I'm Mormon, I had to make the whole survival thing fit within the parameters of Mormonism.  And so I came up with the MMW/Survivalist food/emergency storage concept.

Items for an MMW to have in storage:

A battery operated fan (hot flashes can hit anytime, anywhere)
A portable generator (to power the AC when a fan doesn't cut it)
A gross of Hershey's syrup
A taser (for when The Wretch gets out of hand)
A year's supply of Prozac

Feel free to add to this list.

Gem for the day:  make survivalism work on your terms.  An MMW can never be too prepared.

Day 187, November 26

I'll let you in on a dirty little secret.  (Like you didn't know enough about me already.)  I'm computer illiterate.   I'm also stick-shift illiterate.  (Why must some cars have stick shifts in the first place?  Isn't it enough that I remember to put the car in drive and press the pedal?)  In fact, I'm a whole-bunch-of things-illiterate.

As far as computers go, I'm trying to catch up.  I turn to my husband (who is not always a Wretch), my children, my grandchildren for help with computer calamities.  About the stick-shift, I've decided to let that go.  After all, I can't do everything!  I'm still workng to learn other things (indexing for our church's genealogy site is one) and I'm learning to let some things go

So what is my point here?  By the time a woman reaches menopause, she's had to make some choices.  (Really, lots of choices.)  She's had to decide what's important and what's not.  As you can tell from previous posts, being a hoity-toity kind of lady is not important to me.  However, being a good friend is important.  And to that end, I'm still working.

Gem for the day:  be your own kind of woman, whatever your age.  If driving a stick-shift is important, then go for it.  If not, tell that shift where to stick it.

Day 186, November 25

I was a late starter in the cyber culture.  I've even had to ask my daughter what certain text acronyms and symbols mean.  For instance, who knew that LMAO meant Laughing My Ass Off?  Certainly not me.

However, I have yet to find any of these acronyms that refer to the menopausal condition.  Always wanting to be helpful, I came up with a few of my own.  (Feel free to use them as you see fit.)

HAHFSSOOMW (Having a hot flash so stay out of my way)

YWAPOM? (You want a piece of me?)

USMS (Urgently seeking my sanity)

HOTCANWGT (Hand over the chocolate and noone will get hurt.) 

We may return to this subject later as more helpful acronyms occur to me.

Gem for the day:  you gotta keep up or risk being like your grandma who never learned to drive.

PS  Did anyone notice that the last acronym began with the letters HOT?  How appropriate is that.

Day 185, November 24

Those of you who are Starbucks aficionados are doubtless familiar with the fancy drinks offered there.  There are frappes this and mochas that.  Nowhere, though, have I seen a drink that addresses the needs of the menopause woman, especially the MMW (Mormon menopausal woman) who eschews coffee.

I have in mind some interesting drinks for Starbucks and other coffee places to put on their menu.

-  The Hot Flash in a Hurry.  This is composed of 90% ice and one percent straight chocolate syrup.  You can drink it or apply it to your chest as a poultice.

- The Stay-Out-of-My-Way.  This is composed of tomato juice, tobasco sauce, and, once again, 90% ice.  It is for those times ini a woman's life when the universe or anyone else in her orbit better not mess with her.

-  The You're-Gonna-Live-to-Regret That.  This is the revenge drink.  It is filled with fiber, flax, and a healthy dose of Cod Liver Oil.  Once a woman has a swig of this, she is ready to take names and kick butt, not necessarily in that order

Gem for the day:  if you see a woman ordering any of the above, get out of her way, 'cause she's hell on wheels and loaded for bear.