One more airport security experience to share.
On my last trip, I was stopped by the underwear police. Again. However, that was not the end of the TSA's invasion of my person. I went through the porno-scanner (and really, who wants to see the lumps and bumps of a decidedly middle age woman?). Suddenly lights were flashing and I was pulled, roughly, aside.
Agent: Ma'am," (why am I always "Ma/am" to TSA people?). You've set off all kinds of hot spots. I think it's your sweater. (My sweater had some sparkly things on it.)
Me: I'm sorry.
Agent: We're going to have to give you a full body pat down.
Me (resigned): Have at it.
Agent: I'm going to go over your breasts, your buttocks, up and down your legs until I can't go any further.
What I wanted to say was "Have fun." Prudence kept me silent.
Agent: I will be using the back of my hand.
Really? That makes it better?
Agent: I'm patting under your breasts now.
Me: I'm wearing an underwire bra.
Agent: I know. Please be silent.
Agent: I'm patting your buttocks now.
Agent: I'm patting between your legs.
I've had pelvic exams that were less invasive.
Agent: I'm done. It looks like you're clean.
Me: Do I really look like a terrorist?
Agent: You never can tell.
Gem for the day: If you're flying, leave the sparkly stuff at home. You'll get more than you bargained for otherwise.
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